Dogs bark. I get it. It’s how they vocalize their opinion. It’s just that while outside Chesney has A LOT of opinions. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect complete and utter silence from my trusty canine companion, it’s just that his bark is quite possibly the most startling sound ever to assault my ears. And the ears of all our neighbors, their children, guests, various neighborhood dogs, construction workers, building managers, and delivery people. Each morning at 7am we saunter into the unsuspecting world for a potty break and Chesney lends his crisp, youthful voice to the morning air. I’m sure he thinks he’s doing me a favour, alerting me to every danger threatening my safety on our perilous journey to the grass patch. He probably thinks he’s saved me from at least two hundred would-be assailants cleverly disguised as little old ladies, tiny wiener dogs, and, (the most terrible of them all) billowing leaves. In reality he’s just given me and everyone in our general vicinity a shock akin to that from a 12 volt battery. It’s like in a scary movie when you know the axe murdered is about to jump out of the closet and you’re psyching yourself up for it and you can totally see him lurking there and in your head you’re all “he’s going to leap out, she’s going to scream, but then it’ll be over” and then he does it and you jump and throw your popcorn everywhere anyways. You saw it coming. You mentally prepared yourself as best you could. But you always underestimate the power of loud noises. In an effort to reduce the number of cardiac episodes suffered by both my neighbours and myself, I took to Google to discover the solution to our most vocal of hounds. You know what Google told me to do? Teach him to bark or course! Why didn’t I think of that?! Clearly if I have a dog that won’t stop barking I should definitely give him treats for barking EVEN MORE! I know right?! Genius. Actually, it is genius. Because after you teach him to bark on command you then teach him to be quiet on command. Light bulb! Then not only can you allow your furry companion to satisfy his need to sing to the heavens when encountering literally anything, you also hold the power to shut down the concert after an appropriate number of choruses. My appropriate number of choruses is one. We start training tomorrow. Apologies in advance to our neighbours while we master the “quiet” part of this concerto.
Have you ever woken up with the feeling that something just isn’t quite right in your world? You can’t put your finger on exactly what it might be, but you know deep down that something terrible is brewing. I experienced that very feeling when I woke up this morning. As I lay in bed repeating my usual “two more minutes, then I’ll get up” mantra something snapped in my brain and a feeling of uneasiness washed over me. However I chose to ignore this intuition and headed for the shower. Mistake #1. Whilst performing my morning ritual of hair and makeup I noticed a faint aroma of something foul in the air. Not wanting to be late I did a quick check in the general vicinity and decided it was nothing. Mistake #2. Once prepared for my day I headed out into our apartment to greet my adorable little fluff ball and go for our morning stroll. It was at this point that I realized something positively dreadful had occurred during the night. The closer I got to his crate, the more terrible the previously faint foul odour became. Once I lifted the blanket off his little house a scene akin to a snowball fight waged with feces assaulted my senses. Imagine the worst possible thing you’ve ever seen. Now multiply that by a hundred. Then add a lightning fast, poop covered ball of motion. As I opened the crate I stepped back from the carnage in horror. Mistake #3. Remember the lightning fast, poop covered ball of motion? I had just released him upon the apartment. Once I extracted said creature from under the couch…just take a moment to picture the repercussions of this removal… I began the cleanup. This involved:
- 1 puppy bath
- 2 loads of laundry
- 2 garbage bags
- 3 rounds of floor mopping
- 1 crate disassembly with subsequent cleaning and reassembly
- 2 bathtubs full of hot soapy water for aforementioned cleaning
- 1 bottle of pet friendly cleaner
The casualty list included one puppy blanket, two dishcloths and all of mom’s dignity. Poor little fur ball. He was so ashamed. However, once decontaminated he seemed no worse for the wear. The cat, on the other hand, watched all of this unfold with the horror-struck look of someone observing an elephant cage being cleaned for the very first time. He may need therapy.
In other news Chesney landed himself a lady friend. Her name is Rizzo and we all think she’s just the sweetest. Check out their love story below:
That’s all for now, my pup-loving digital world. As always thanks for reading and check back for the latest pupdate! 🙂