Tricks and Treats

For the past couple of weeks we have been tirelessly trying to teach Chesney some tricks. Starting with the basics, he will now “Shake a Paw” if you dangle a treat in front of his nose and tap on his right foot. We’re very proud. He will also throw himself into full reverse when you ask him to sit while holding a toy…until making contact with carpet, at which point he will instantly sit beautifully for no apparent reason. His classmate Ellie, a very fuzzy and good-natured corgi, has learned to drop dramatically to the ground when you point a finger at her and make a bang sound. She’s a bit of a show off. My puppy can fall on his head repeatedly and still function at an above average level. Now that’s talent.

Ellie, the wonder-dog. Doesn't she just look irresistibly soft?
Ellie, the wonder-dog. Doesn’t she just look irresistibly soft?

WARNING: what follows is one hundred percent unequivocally a massive rant.

Consider yourself warned.

One of the less than delightful parts of puppy parenthood is unsolicited advice from other dog owners, specifically those that have little to no actual knowledge of raising a well behaved dog. That’s right I’m talking about you, scary dragon lady with the wildly barking ball of fury on a string who made my sixteen-week-old puppy go full psycho and then proceeded to yell at me for having an “unsociable dog”. While we were calmly walking in the opposite direction from you, practicing our on-leash training and minding our own business you decided that my adorable puppy should obviously be best friends with your foaming-at-the-mouth, crazy-eyed hairball who thought my pup would make a delicious pre-dinner snack. Instead of asking if our dogs could meet like a normal person, you let your dog lunge at mine while screeching how cute he is at the top of your lungs. Of course that creates the perfect environment for a canine meeting of the minds. If you were a puppy who’s being snarled at by an insane looking descendant of the underworld twice your size while its equally insane looking companion attempts to grab at your head would you sit pretty and just let yourself be devoured? No? You’d bark uncontrollably and lunge right back until your mom, fearing for your life, picked you up and removed you from the jaws of your assailant? Well how unsociable of you! Thank you for barraging my ears with an epic lecture on how I’m a terrible dog owner whose dog has no idea how to be with other dogs cause I keep him from “playing” with your picture of canine obedience. Then once you were done you proceeded to physically drag your beast along the pavement while he did an uncanny impression of a death row inmate being separated from his last meal. Clearly you should start your own doggy daycare ‘cause you’re a NATURAL!

After a long day, it's great to kick back, put on an argyl sweater and lounge on you hiking shoe.
After a long day it’s great to kick back, put on an argyl sweater and lounge on your hiking shoe.

It has recently come to my attention that I have an advanced case of HADD. Otherwise known as Household Attention Deficit Disorder. This condition causes me to bounce from task to task without actually accomplishing anything practical, while slowly coming to the gloomy realization that there are a myriad of unaccomplished domestic duties lurking in all corners of my apartment. On the bright side this has caused an unexpected doggy haircut (which only took two and a half hours), cleaning the slats on all our blinds (individually), refolding of the sweaters on our closet shelf (twice, they were unsymmetrical the first time), and cleaning the baseboard thingys under the kitchen cabinets (you would not believe what collects under there). Oh, and have I mentioned that I usually stumble upon these tasks at betime? ‘Cause that’s the optimum time for an unnecessary job launch. However if anyone crawls around on my kitchen floors they will be greeted with sparklingly clean baseboards!

In other news, we have a new addition for our little fur family! Well, a part time addition. Her name is River, she’s eleven years old, black with a brown nose, and lots of spunk to spare. Any guesses as to the mammalian classification of our newest member? I’ll give you a hint, she outsizes all of us by about 1,000lbs.

That’s all for this week, my delightful virtual acquaintances! Check back next week for the latest pupdate and as always thanks for reading! 🙂

Winter is coming.

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